you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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