Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Farmville is her only friend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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