Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
