That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
