I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
