what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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