very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
