He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think i have two assholes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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