Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
