i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
