Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
