my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
