Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
