You really coming over, don't trick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
