It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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