No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
