Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
