the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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