She is in my trunk
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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