'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
