I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
