i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
