I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
