then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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