I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
