Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
