Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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