then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
