Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
