Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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