If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
