Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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