i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
