I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
