If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
