Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize