We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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