win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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