My nipple is on Facebook.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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