Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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