I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize