is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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