Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
