A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
