every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my shit smells like andre
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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