I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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