I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
