Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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