No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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