they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she peed on how many people?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
