What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
