Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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