i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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