If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
