Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
