A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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