just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
