he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
