I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
