Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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