I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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