I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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