Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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