he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
