thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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