I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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