The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
