bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
