I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
