I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize