everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
