I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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